The Invention of Hallways

The Invention of Hallways

Dark Castle

Outside the King’s Bedroom

The Dark Ages

6 p.m.

Servant: OK, it’s time to pick who’s going to the Prince’s bedroom to ask him what he wants.

Chef: No way am I doing it.

Maid: I did it yesterday.

Nurse: I’m off the clock for the next hour.

Servant: Well, nobody volunteer all at once.  Fine.  I’ll do it.

Chef: It’ll be dangerous.  I’m almost positive he wants what he had yesterday: an entire chicken, cooked on a spit, with ale and a side of another chicken.

Servant: But, we can’t be sure.  It’s best if I check.

Maid: Remember, you’ll have to go through the king’s bedroom, the queen’s other bedroom, the princess’s bedroom, the bathroom, and the library before you will get to his bedroom.  You’ll never make it.

Servant: Oh, excuse me, your highness.  I didn’t know you would be in here.

King: Well, I am, filthy knave.  I’m a bit busy staring at the wall, if you don’t mind.

Servant: I can come back.

King: No, no.  What do you want?

Servant: I was just trying to get to your son’s bedroom to ask him what he wants for dinner.

King: Well, be quick about it.

Servant: Yes, your highness.  [Pauses.]  Actually, may I trouble the king for a question?

King:  [Grumbles.]  Fine.

Servant: I was just, well, I was thinking.  You know the person who designs all castles?

King: Yes, my cousin—a blind, toothless, vagabond architect.  They say he’s the best.

Servant: Verily, verily.  Well, do you think he’s ever been inside a building with more than two rooms?

King: Oh, heavens, no.  He lives in the forest and comes to town only to sell the boars he catches.

Servant: Right, I was thinking that might be so.  See, the other domestics and I were talking, and it seems like it’s kind of a hassle for everyone involved that we have to go through private rooms just to get to where we want to go.  There has to be a better way.

King: What do you mean?

Servant: What I mean is, can you imagine a structure such that I wouldn’t have to walk through your room, the queen’s room, the bathroom, and your daughter’s room in order to speak with the prince?

King: You mean, have many different houses, each being its own room?

Servant: Not exactly.  I was corresponding with my friend in Denmark, and he says that they are thinking of building a castle that, instead of having many rooms connected with each other, it has many rooms that are connected through a different, very long, narrow room that serves as a conduit between the rooms.

King: I think I understand.  Build a separate house for each bedroom.

Servant: No, no.  Well, sort of.  It would be like if each bedroom was a separate house, and each house was connected to a long, narrow house, and all the houses were inside the castle.

King: Of course.  And what would be the point, again?

Servant: What we want is separation, so that fewer workers get harassed and the members of your family don’t scream and threaten us every time anybody tries to get from one place to another.

King: I suppose I can see how that might be a problem.

Servant:  For example, as it is right now, if I want to get to the storage room in the basement for salt, I need to pass directly through the dungeon first.  There are criminals in there.  They’re hungry and thirsty.  They beg for food.  They’re spiteful and experienced with makeshift daggers.  Four servants have been bitten this week alone.  Although, one servant has unexpectedly been smitten, so maybe it evens out.

King: Yes, build a separate house outside for the dungeon, and then another separate house outside for the storage room, and also many other separate houses for the different bedrooms.

Servant: Sort of.

King: This is a fine idea, knave.  I’ll talk to my cousin.

Servant: [Walks past.]

Queen: AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

And on to training:

Sunday: 14 miles. 97 minutes. On the Minuteman Trail. Just not feeling good. Definitely something wrong with my right calf, and tired overall.

Monday: Off. Rest. Massage, which I think helped.

Tuesday: Off.

Wednesday: 1 hour bike.

Thursday: 1 hour bike. Cleared to run.

Friday: 6 miles, 42 minutes on the river. Calf feeling much better, but very sluggish overall.  Running after time off is the worst, the worst I say.

Saturday: 8 miles, 54 minutes on the River. Felt much better, and calf has loosened up, feeling good enough.

Week in Review: A week to recover and get better.  Very frustrating, but hopefully this is just a minor setback.  The problem was likely a minor calf strain, which occurred about two weeks ago.  I remember the workout precisely.  It’s weird sometimes how if you’re in the middle of something, it can be hard to see outside it and it seems like this big thing; but then once you get outside it, you look back at it and realize that it was merely this isolated, strange, messed up thing that means very little.  For all you experienced with a key, the key to the previous sentence is as follows: it/thing/something=injury, not it=beyond the injury, and grammar=an indulgence not called for in this context.  But, like, all my sentences, it was highly symbolic and discursive.  Take from it what you will.  I learned from the injury and am moving on.  There is much work to be done.